Minimalist Living and Business

So where has Dr. Kim been for a little over a year? To be honest, trying to do my best at being minimal. I was realizing that while I was conducting business and learning how to grow my practice, I was not able to thrive my own life as well as practice what I was preaching. So I decided to stop blogging and making videos. It was taking enough of my time that I was starting to notice an issue with my time management and recovery.

So what did I do instead? I intentionally did less. Took less patients, worked less hours, and made a plan that would allow me more free time and better time management. From working pretty much 7 days a week to 4 days week. From 90 hours a week down to 35 hours. While still growing my business and practice. No rate changes, but income some how grew, by drastically cutting back my time, my practice started to grow more. So I asked myself this question, “Why is it that when I do the opposite of what the world says I should do, does my business begin to grow?”

Now, this is an odd thing, all my life I was told that I had to work hard, and work sleepless nights, and then I would have a successful business. I still remember my own father telling me that if I am sleeping well at night than I must not be doing well at making money. I know what my father was trying to tell me, but somewhere deep inside I knew that money really is not really a big deal to me. Sure, having more money would be helpful, but that’s just it, it’s a tool that could make my life easier. Yet, the tool itself if wasted and used for things that distract or take us away from the things that we are truly passionate about, no longer serves it’s purpose; At least for me it didn’t. More money never made things easier, nor did I like what I was becoming for the sake of making more money. My purpose and goals for my practice were very quickly shifting to something unrecognizable to me. Now, of the person who’s life goal is money, this whole things changes right. Yet, these are the folks that know that money is the tool and they enjoy working with that tool and maximizing it’s potential. For me and my own passions, money is not the tool that helps me. I still need money, who doesn’t, but it’s not a priority, simply a hammer that fulfill a specific need to my own personal goals.

With money out of the picture and playing a predominately side line role, what have I done to help grow my business while being minimal? I worked on getting better at what I do and can offer. Nothing really profound, nothing really supernatural, I simply prayed, meditated, focused on improving myself, my awareness, and the skills that are currently a part of my life.

Improving Myself

While working as an Acupuncture Physician, I give out a healthy does of advice on health and well being, so as to help bring insight to my patients lives. The level of awareness that I hope to reveal for my patients is what helps me as a Physician to treat and diagnose correctly. Yet, as with many aspects of life, hidden truths maybe great, but truths that are revealed in the light can be more effective. So, I needed to heed my own advice I was giving, and start working on myself. Correcting my own diet, sleep habits, lifestyle habits, and physical movement (still working on that one).

I started to wake up earlier in the day, trying to make a strong effort to rise before the sun, and in turn this obviously leads me to sleep just after the sun sets as well. Making my best efforts to abide my sleep cycle to a more temporal clock according to the sun, moon, and seasons, rather than the man made interpretation of time. By sleeping and waking according to the sun, I have gained more focus, energy and sustained drive throughout my day. Able to accomplish more and recover more at the same time. The best part is that the ancients were right! Be ever closer in tune with nature and the body will be in balance with it.

Next, I worked on my food, making strong effort to pay attention to what foods matter to me and what foods I could live without. This process was easier than expected and I was able to determine with great speed at which foods would be value added and which I shouldn’t even consider food. The greatest lesson for me in this is that no one person will ever be the same as the next. There is no one diet to rule them all, no super food/fruit, no magic bean. The longest time, I had lived by a mantra, that many have used and still use to this day, ‘Food is Medicine’. I have to say that this is such a limiting statement that it undermines the process of life and food itself. I have learned that food is far too dynamic to be pigeon holed into tidy charts and categories. Just as life itself is ever changing and dynamic, so is the food that we consume. In essence, when we eat something, we are taking upon life and nature itself. Something beyond medicine, something beyond cute statements that make us feel better or worse about ourselves (you are what you eat). It’s a process that just like sleep, when I became in tune with how food responds to me and what it ‘tells’ me, I became more in balance with my own health. The perk, i lost weight naturally, no calorie counting, no worrying about cheating on my ‘diet’, no dieting’, and very little exercise if any during some months.

Then came lifestyle, this included work for me because I love my work. I honestly get excited to go to work most days and love being in my office. Some weeks I have to force myself to leave so that I can be with my family or other obligations. However, this is a reason as to why I really started investing in this aspect the most in my life. I am a rather scatterbrained person, I forget things very easily because I am usually overly engrossed in what ever catches my interest and then in turn I will completely disregard anything else. So, I needed to make sure that I did my best to limit what was stimulating me or distracting me. I started to de-clutter, ALOT! Throwing things away, selling things, putting things in to storage which I am not taking apart to clear more out. It is a slow process for me being as I live with three other humans and a great deal of things are not my own, but we live in a home where we all own each others things. Yet, home decluttering is only on part of this equation, I also downsized my work life. Staying more in my private practice and making the choice to leave a group practice was the first step. A lot of aspects of my life were somewhat pointing in that direction and I was mostly hesitating in moving forward, but when the time was right, let’s just say that God has a way of making things happen even when we think we aren’t ready. Then, making the transition from regularly working 6-7days, to strictly and earnestly working only 4 days a week. This was a very big move for me, I didn’t really change my hours, but I had to make a very strong choice in that 3 days a week I will not look at my work laptop, I will not answer any calls or emails unless it is an honest work related emergency, and if I had fallen behind on some admin work or other things, then it would have to wait till the next day that I would be back in my office.

Next came Physical Movement…This was a tough one. I had to be mindful of this because of injuries and some other issues, but in the end I decided that I was going to row. I’ve started to learn how to row, even if it is indoors, and I’ve found it to be mentally relaxing. I’m able to workout in the mornings with little noise (waterrower) and the sounds are meditative to me. I try to keep up with this as often as I can especially with a soon to be 4yo son who likes to wake up early with dad and play. My true passion for movement is and will always be Aikido. If I could make a way to practice aikido every day all day, I would do it. Unfortunately due to time and distances that I would need to travel to practice, this is currently not something that I can pursue again anytime soon. I miss it all the time, every day, and I can’t wait to be able to go back to the dojo and practice.

Awareness

All of these practical things eventually have allowed me to be more aware of myself, my patients, my family, and the most importantly, the world around me. In time since starting this journey, I have learned to be more patient, which eventually became a natural thing. I allowed myself to not be stuck in a method, knowing that a rigid way of life also means a myopic one. So, very similar to aikido, I slowly learned to be more flexible and dynamic with my life. Doing my best to be flexible and respond in a gentle and positive way, that can be as mutually and universally beneficial to all. My sense of self, I could feel becoming more expanded and deep, with greater understanding of who I am, where I came from, how I came to be, and how I navigate through my pain and my trauma. I’ve learned to be more receptive and empathetic to my patients, and even though this may be and can be painful at times, the therapeutic effect for my patients and myself to learn is profound. I have a greater desire to connect and understand more, and strong pull to find and feel the connections that somewhat silently and gently tie and guide all things. When I was taught by my mentors that there really are no coincidences, this now has more meaning to me than something just cerebral. All these aspects, help to improve all that I encounter and do. My drive will ebb and flow, some days are greater than others, but then when they are high, I need to catch those moments and when they come down, I need to learn restraint and restoration.

Skill

With more open time, I have been able to invest more energy into study and practice of this wonderful craft and art of Chinese Medicine. Tremendous respect to my teachers and mentors, and the ancestors who made the choice to pass on this knowledge. I’ve continue to let these works build within me a body of work that can hopefully become something profound and life changing to others as well. I feel that If I can continue to walk faithfully in God, and allow myself to be transformed by the gifts that are available to me, than I can only believe that the invisible hand must be a part of this connected world. That I only need to allow myself to be molded and transformed by that unknown machination that gently leads with a power of unending Yang.

How did my practice grow? I believe that all things happen for a reason, there are no coincidences unless in jest, and that when one’s life is more in balance, and in balance with the flow of existence that has manifested true, than what is there to fear or desire. The self only need be, to watch and engage with balance to be free of the burdens of trying to make life happen on one’s own terms. I worked on me instead of working on the world, I focused my life on becoming harmonious with the space around me and let it be, thereby becoming content, and I trust, to be one with the life blessed to me that all will be good.

Giving and the Business of Medicine

So for some time now, I have been struggling with how to manage my practice and handle money.  I always hear from other colleagues, that the most difficult and uncomfortable aspect about a private practice, is dealing with money from the patients. We first start out with a great introduction and get to know our patients in order to develop trust. Then comes the deductive portion of the doctor visit, where both patient and practitioner determine what is going on. The physician, based on training, determines a diagnosis and possible treatment plan/s. Ideally next, the physician will explain the treatment and what it will entail so as to aid in bringing awareness to the patient so that there is a clear and understandable process that hopefully will lead towards a healing benefit. This process I believe is so critical, in that it helps to solidify the confidence and trust that we as doctors work so hard to develop in such a short time frame. Treatment of some kind is administered, and in the case of acupuncture, the patient will more than likely be allowed to relax, meditate, pray, and/or just simply be still while that needles in their place do their thing. After the allotted time has passed, needles are removed, confirmation of the patient’s well being and state during and after treatment, hopefully with a positive experience. Then we ask the patient to slowly gather them self and inform the finish of the treatment. Ideally, a positive and smooth experience will have taken place, and a foundation of trust and confidence will have been laid for a future of em-betterment for the patient and hopefully enrichment to the physician for a service well done.

Next, comes that dreaded closing ceremony of closing out the patient for that visit. Now, for some this may not be all that big of a deal. However, for me and I know for some others, this is a miserable experience.  I am aware of a multitude of emotional blocks or effects that may have determined this line of thinking for some, but that doesn’t really solve the underlying factor. I have just done a service for someone, ideally from my own heart and generosity, and I am now going to ask for what appears to me, by how I was informed from others as should be, a cost of services rendered that is expected. With the current decade and inflation being assumed, the cost of an average treatment is rather high (IMO).

Perhaps, a larger group of acupuncturist or other medical professionals, feel that there needs to be a financial equivalent to the American MD. Sure why not, Acupuncturist also have a similar didactic curriculum, and depending on the institution itself, will have high standards for medical education. Given currently there are not that many residencies for acupuncturist, but in time this may change in the US. Yet, this does not mean that the education is not there. Other acupuncturists, have a more activist approach, for the end goal of a more globally appreciated view of Chinese Medicine in the US. The notion that perhaps if an acupuncturist/Chinese Medical Doctor were to one day, be viewed as equals to MD’s in the states, then perhaps the medicine will be given the respect that it’s due.

Now, there are many other factors that could entail why acupuncturist and herbalist wish to charge what they charge and all of those factors are valid in the their own light; all justifiable in their own way. However, I feel differently about it all, I have for many years. A part of me just could never agree to what the majority was saying about how I should bill patients in my own practice. I’ve been told that I should have more respect for myself and ‘act like a Doctor’ whatever that means. I can honestly say that I have drunk the proverbial kool-aid, and at times felt that very sensual allure of fame and fortune. Upon which, if you know me, is very uncharacteristic of me. Then I started a family, and the need and drive to support my family, to be a good husband that provides, and a solid father, that is there for his son, started to intermingle with the ideas that permeated my thoughts on how to earn a living and that I should be charging more to live to a certain standard of life that is representative of my station in life. Amidst all this chaos that is rather confusing, I asked myself a question.

For what am I doing this for and Why?

I began the Life Journey Experiment, soon after I started meditating on this question. In the days to follow, which quickly became weeks, I started vlogging on youtube, to push myself into a realm upon which I normally am very uncomfortable with. I chose to do this for a variety of reasons but utmost is because I need a change of scenery. When I started teaching and lecturing for the first time, the experience opened my eyes and mind to a level of understanding that I had never appreciated before. So I figured, perhaps, it could happen again, if I was pushed into something that was equally, at first, terrifying. During my time making vlogs, becoming more and more vulnerable and exposed, I began seeing myself as I was speaking to the camera and an audience that I had hoped would be listening. While editing, I began to learn more about aspect of my being that I had never known or appreciated before. Then watching the finished, polished, edited versions of what I wished the world to see of me, I learned that there is so much more of me that needs to grow, that needs to learn, develop, and evolve. Every bit of footage that the world sees of me on youtube, there is an equal number of clips that are what I consider my flaws. The hidden aspects of myself that I am to afraid to show to the world for fear of what the world may think of me. As the vlogging continued, the content I was recording became more real to me that it would break me at times, and I would have to resort to uploading something else. Vlogs that I personally like to call distractions. Some topics will slip through the vlog, but most stay in the archives for a time upon which I may present later.

It is through this process that I came to a breaking point. An aspect of my life that I had forgotten about. A part of me that seemed so long ago, that it felt but a mere dream that faded into the next thought. It is this aspect of myself that I had missed. The part of me that wanted to be who I perceived that I would become. I had forgotten about this facet because I was too preoccupied with the suggestions of others. Well meaning gifts of knowledge, passed to me in the hopes that it would bear fruit as it did for them. I held hope, onto the things that didn’t make sense to me; the process upon which I yearned for fruit, but no labor. The myth, that perhaps following in the footsteps of other successful people could possibly yield a more comfortable harvest. The attractive lure of it all blinded me from the truth of who I am and what I believe about me to be true. I had found that I did not like the path that I was walking because I was not walking my own. I had forgotten the main purpose, the main reason, the primary path upon which I believe was why I became a physician. To Give.

I don’t know the exact moment upon which I forgot that about myself, but I do know that it happened when I started to worry about not making enough money. Relying on tips and tricks, strategies from other sources, and mainstream ideologies upon how to make a living as a acupuncturist in the world today. I still practiced medicine, but the underlying goal was no longer about helping and giving, but had an undercurrent foundation of how will I pay off debt, support my family, and live a perceived better quality of life.

So, now, I am going to try things a little different, a little more me, a bit more of why I chose this path, or more rather why I believe, the Lord presented this path to me. I will put my faith into my Lord Christ, he has never failed me before, and I am a fool for believing that I could do things by listening to the ways of the world.  My sole reason for why I have changed my fees, and how I plan to accept payment from patients is so that I can make the experience for the patient, as painless as possible, as un-awkward as possible, and to remove all shame and guilt from the entire experience. So that the patient will not only feel free physically, but to be free emotionally, spiritually, and Wholly. My wish, is that I can do all that I can to unburden the patient, and allow them to feel complete benefit from the treatment that I can give. Through this process, my hope is that I will be able to be free of the financial end of things, and be able to give what I can to the patients that wish to accept the help that I can offer.

Now, I am aware that there is a risk of my services being taken advantage of, but I have to trust in the Lord, and believe that the people that I hope to reach in the community that surrounds me will believe in what I am trying to do too. My highest goal, is to be able to provide holistic healthcare to those that need it most. To have an open avenue at which those that at one point could not afford it, do not have to worry about that ever again. I hope to eventually be able to expand to a larger space so that I may be able to see more patients through the days, as to the fact that I am only but a humble one room office right now. Perhaps in time this will change. I have faith that it will, and in time I trust that the community around me and other like minded physicians will be there to join me.

If you have made it this far into this latest blog post, I want to thank you for your patience and care to read my confession, And to my former self, I’m sorry I lead you down an odd path, I hope that you will still trust me on this new direction. To my former patients, forgive me for potentially not giving you my all, I will do better.  Humbly Better.

Fear

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear is a unique and complex emotion. Most modern, intellectual interpretations of fear for humans, are physiologically attributed to Fight or Flight. Most people who don't regularly experience fear will naturally want to do either fighting or Flighting...is that even a word? Well, truth is, when a person first experiences a fear, particularly a new one, most folks, not all, but most, will just simply FREEZE. No flight, no fight, nothing, stillness, but not of the zen variety. According to some theories in Chinese medicine, the emotion of fear has the capacity to cause the qi of the body to simply drop, and in most cases scatter, first due to an initial shock to the system, then just drop. The energy of the body simply collapses like a felled tree. What does that look like for the human body? Everything just stops, momentarily, but yes, everything just stops. Sometimes a person will just buckle their own knees and hit the ground, others my soil their own undergarments or more. I suppose if you wear a kilt, you won't soil much but the ground and the side of your legs, but that's besides the point.

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

So how does one get around the 'freeze'? Keep exposing yourself to fear. Encounter something that makes you afraid daily. Try starting with little things first though. Don't decide to start wresting alligators if gators are your worst nightmare. Maybe, start with public speaking, if that makes you afraid, or perhaps some form of group activity if you are normally introverted.  

- Now to make something clear, this is not a blog about introverts or extroverts. I'm just stating an example here. back to the blog

Whatever your fear, just try encountering it, keep exposing yourself to it, an then, when the moon and the sun align, the stars in their place, and you, being present in the experience of what was once a terrifying one, is now, not so terrifying.  This is not to say that it still won't make you feel uncomfortable or even still fearful of it, it just means that you will be able to encounter the said experience and it won't be a shock to your system; your mind, body, and soul will learn to adapt to the once fear-filled event. In some instances, your experience may merit a reward of never fearing it again, nice bonus right?!?  All in all the point that I am trying to make is that fear is not the end of the world, not trying is (proverbially speaking).

The lack of trying may actually be a greater hinderance then facing your fears. Fears will continue to stack up, one on top of another, and then the overwhelming weight of all the fears eventually becomes one's own identity. In order to start making the load easier to handle, we have to start facing some of those fears, even if it is physically debilitating in some way.  The continued exposure will eventually allow the person to be free from the fear and be able to move forward in facing other things in life.  

There is so much in this world, one can only hope to be able to experience all of it, and NO, tv and picture books will not yield the same experience (I'll get to that in another blog). Staying in a protected bubble may seem nice but is also not the way to live a life. I believe that taoists really have a good bead on this concept. In that staying in stagnancy will eventually lead to a decay of the person both yin and yang. We as creatures were not designed to stay still, in once place and not be yang and all yin.

So why am I writing about this? Well, as much as I would like this blog to be read by others and spread out, I'm more concerned about that fact that I'm finding a way of catharsis in this writing. Also, this is a part of my own personal exposure I suppose, in my own growth as well as a way for me to face my own fears. Interestingly, I was deciding if I wanted to do a daily vlog as well, and was delaying because of overthinking and fears of stuff, but as God and the universe have a way of doing things to get me going lately, some very great friends came together and got me a gopro for my birthday....I guess I don't have anymore excuses, time to face my fears head on. 

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune

Welcome to my new blog

Gongbu is a Korean pronunciation of a conceptual term meaning to study, grow, understand, or even be transformed.  I named this blog Gonggbu, in the hopes that not only will I be able to learn and grow but perhaps you as the reader as well. On this page I will be making a long term effort of self transformation and growth, in the hopes that I may be able to gain greater insight as to how I may be of help to my patients via Chinese Medicine/Holistic Medicine as a tool. Also, to do my own due diligence in cultivating myself.

So Let's begin!

I am a NYC born, 2nd generation, Korean-American, who currently is practicing Chinese Medicine. I am blessed with a beautiful wife and incredible son, who daily enrich my life, with many ups and occasional downs, that develop into a an amazing kaleidoscope that is my life thus far. My Journey here so far, is a storied one, and in time I will be laying it all out for you all to see.  

Some may ask, "Why would you want to convey your private life to the public?" Well beside the fact that I believe being exposed is a part of being open minded, I am in a place in my life where i almost feel compelled to expose myself.  Let me explain. The past several years, have been eye opening and challenging to  me and and the world around me. Seems as if everything is falling apart and coming together in new and different ways all the time. The inconsistency can be overwhelming at times and down right terrifying in others. All in all, this is life, Right? Many folks go through all these issues, and many go to philosophies and religions, to find all manner of things. Like peace, answers, love, more questions, etc. I never really understood this so much, as to why people choose to look for answers in other places but fail to even make attempts at looking at ones self and challenging the constructs the we build around ourselves. Ideologies, beliefs, and customs that we believe are the end all be all of our own personal perceptions of our own universes. 

I wonder why this is sometimes?

So with this blog, and a few other means and tools at my disposal, I aim to see, for myself, what are the genuine truths, what works, what doesn't, and most especially, what is most transformative. 

I do acknowledge the fact that many of the things that I will be posting and taking action on will be on a very personal level. My aim is not to create a self-help blog, but rather to show a long term testimonial to the world, of a slice as to how one person is 'doing it' If this blog becomes motivational for some, so be it, if it becomes a self-help, so be it, if it just becomes curious entertainment, so be it. I don't exactly know what will happen on this journey, but one thing I do know is that a blog of this nature, to me, is a necessary component to the journey.  

I don't know what the frequency of the blog will be at this time, but as it happens I will let you all know. As for now, I will give a hint to the next blog: Fear

Till next time